Wednesday, July 08, 2009
THE TRUTH ABOUT HERCULES (AND MAYBE GILGAMESH)
Let us turn now to the great dragon-slayers, to Sigurd, and Beowulf, and St. George, and, first among them, Herakles, subduer of the deadly Hydra.
In his Histories, Herodotus claims to have evidence that the Egyptians worshipped Herakles, or Hercules, as a god ages before the Greeks venerated the mythical hero.
The Greek myth may preserve clues that the story of Herakles has a hidden cosmic significance. To start with, there are the Twelve Labors--basically the centerpiece of the whole story. What's interesting is that each labor relates to a constellation in the Zodiac, or at least a constellation near a Zodiac configuration.
The millions of people who visit this blog every day have no doubt noticed my fascination with David Ulansey's book on the Mithras cult and its ties to astronomy. The Herakles story, with its connections to the Zodiac, may have another similarity to Mithras worship. The hero's trials may have represented grades of initiation, with the final grade--the final labor--being the key to the most heavily guarded secrets of the cult.
For his final labor, Herakles went into the underworld to bring to the upper world Kerberos, the three-headed dog that guarded the gates of the Underworld. Before undertaking this task, Herakles was initiated in the Eleusinian Mysteries, a cult of Demeter that was supposed to possess secret knowledge of the afterlife and the renewal of vegetative life on earth each year.
The Herakles story is one of cycles; the sun through the constellations of the Zodiac, and the decay and renewal of the seasons. The implication is that death and life themselves are cyclical.
More than the entertaining adventures of a really strong guy, was the real purpose behind the Herakles myth a guide to secret esoteric knowledge? And was that knowledge a guide to navigating the afterlife, or even a set of instructions for returning to life?
There are also several similarities with Gilgamesh story; Gilgamesh's saga ends with its hero, as excessive at the tale's beginning as Herakles is at his, eventually obtaining a plant which allows the old to become young again, but he loses it. Did the authors of the Gilgamesh story and the Egyptian version of the Herakles myth borrow from the same sources?
If someone can figure out how I can turn this idea into a screenplay for Tom Hanks, I'll cut you in for 10% of the eventual gross.
Let us turn now to the great dragon-slayers, to Sigurd, and Beowulf, and St. George, and, first among them, Herakles, subduer of the deadly Hydra.
In his Histories, Herodotus claims to have evidence that the Egyptians worshipped Herakles, or Hercules, as a god ages before the Greeks venerated the mythical hero.
The Greek myth may preserve clues that the story of Herakles has a hidden cosmic significance. To start with, there are the Twelve Labors--basically the centerpiece of the whole story. What's interesting is that each labor relates to a constellation in the Zodiac, or at least a constellation near a Zodiac configuration.
The millions of people who visit this blog every day have no doubt noticed my fascination with David Ulansey's book on the Mithras cult and its ties to astronomy. The Herakles story, with its connections to the Zodiac, may have another similarity to Mithras worship. The hero's trials may have represented grades of initiation, with the final grade--the final labor--being the key to the most heavily guarded secrets of the cult.
For his final labor, Herakles went into the underworld to bring to the upper world Kerberos, the three-headed dog that guarded the gates of the Underworld. Before undertaking this task, Herakles was initiated in the Eleusinian Mysteries, a cult of Demeter that was supposed to possess secret knowledge of the afterlife and the renewal of vegetative life on earth each year.
The Herakles story is one of cycles; the sun through the constellations of the Zodiac, and the decay and renewal of the seasons. The implication is that death and life themselves are cyclical.
More than the entertaining adventures of a really strong guy, was the real purpose behind the Herakles myth a guide to secret esoteric knowledge? And was that knowledge a guide to navigating the afterlife, or even a set of instructions for returning to life?
There are also several similarities with Gilgamesh story; Gilgamesh's saga ends with its hero, as excessive at the tale's beginning as Herakles is at his, eventually obtaining a plant which allows the old to become young again, but he loses it. Did the authors of the Gilgamesh story and the Egyptian version of the Herakles myth borrow from the same sources?
If someone can figure out how I can turn this idea into a screenplay for Tom Hanks, I'll cut you in for 10% of the eventual gross.
Friday, July 03, 2009
THANKS, DARWIN
As if to put a cold, dark period on the fulfillment of my evolutionary purpose, my health took a dive around the time that the new guy was born; I developed a painful, ugly sore on my eyelid (and all you ladies out there who are into puss-filled boils, let me tell you, it made me look hot), then I caught one of the many, many diseases that has been circulating throughout New York lately. This one appears to be a bacterial infection of the throat--whoopee. The sore's better and the throat is on the mend thanks to antibiotics, but still, natural selection has made its point; having now produced two offspring and thereby extended my genetic material into the next generation, I can now begin my slow shamble toward the elephant graveyard. Let's hope they have cable.
As if to put a cold, dark period on the fulfillment of my evolutionary purpose, my health took a dive around the time that the new guy was born; I developed a painful, ugly sore on my eyelid (and all you ladies out there who are into puss-filled boils, let me tell you, it made me look hot), then I caught one of the many, many diseases that has been circulating throughout New York lately. This one appears to be a bacterial infection of the throat--whoopee. The sore's better and the throat is on the mend thanks to antibiotics, but still, natural selection has made its point; having now produced two offspring and thereby extended my genetic material into the next generation, I can now begin my slow shamble toward the elephant graveyard. Let's hope they have cable.
Wednesday, July 01, 2009
HERE HE IS 
I promised you a photo, so here's the new addition to the Toner Clan. The Great One Himself at rest.
I promised you a photo, so here's the new addition to the Toner Clan. The Great One Himself at rest.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
BIG NEWS AT THIS END
My second son arrived Friday, the 26th--looking pink, fit, and bound for the ivy leagues. Harvard, if you're reading this, my kid will own you by the time he's sixteen. Pictures to come--
My second son arrived Friday, the 26th--looking pink, fit, and bound for the ivy leagues. Harvard, if you're reading this, my kid will own you by the time he's sixteen. Pictures to come--
Saturday, May 30, 2009
THIS & THAT
Recent movies...
Terminator: Salvation (2/5 stars)
"Well, it's no TERMINATOR 3."
Angels & Demons (3/5 stars)
"For centuries, those incessant babymakers have had the coolest costumes and props. Now they have an exciting story, too."
Drag Me To Hell (4/5 stars)
"Much fun. The ending's pretty obvious, though."
Up (1/5 stars)
"I prefer Russ Meyer's original."
FROM THE VAULTS...
I dug this up in an old gmail account. Some rantings from back when I had a soul and my life had meaning. Ah, those were the days. Now, I'm reduced to reruns. Anyway, enjoy...
I just got back from the first science fiction convention I've been near
in 15 years. It was everything you would imagine it would be.
In the dealer's room, many people were selling t-shirts emblazoned with
"funny" sayings, or endless quotes from MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL.
One of the shirts said, "WARNING: I have a vocabulary of over 75,000
words, and I'm not afraid to use it."
I thought this was pretty obnoxious. So I came up with my own t-shirt
slogans to sell to the fans. Part of me actually wants to get these
printed up and take them to a con, to see how fans would react. For your
enjoyment....
I'm insecure because I'm physically unattractive and/or socially awkward.
The main way I make myself feel good is by using my intelligence to try to
make others feel bad.
The majority of Mundanes are actually happier than I am.
I honestly think these outfits and costumes make me look my absolute best.
I laugh obnoxiously loudly so that others will know what a great sense of
humor I have.
Why bathe when you're as smart as I am?
No matter how many hit points my D&D character has, that bully from middle
school could still kick my ass.
If they say it with a British accent, I will laugh, no matter how unfunny
it is.
The secret of comedy is allusions to other films or books. No real wit or
irony is required. Simply the allusion.
Overweight people can look very attractive, but not wearing that.
Deep Space Nine ran two more years than Babylon 5, and was never in
serious danger of cancellation. But we're gonna deny that.
My greatest fear is that CADDYSHACK may actually be funnier than HOLY
GRAIL. Shhhhhh. Don't tell anyone.
Comics aren't worth my time. Unless they're written by Joe Straczynski.
Somehow, those are magically good.
This beard is my way of compensating.
Would a vampire really dress that way? I think we both know the answer.
Horror fans are cooler than s/f fans. But you didn't hear it from me.
I can recite entire scenes from HOLY GRAIL and HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE. Guess
that makes me the funniest thing in the whole, wide world.
Desperately waiting for the next Weird Al CD so I can finally "rock out"
again.
BUFFY -- Tune in for the masturbation fodder, stay for the story.
I put on fuzzy slippers shaped like rabbits with sharp fangs, and think,
"Man, I look *good.*"
I (heart) The Sound of My Own Voice
I secretly know that three of the five STAR WARS movies are, honestly,
pretty wretched.
Endlessly repeating "I've got a bad feeling about this," is not a running
gag. A running gag also has to be funny.
Recent movies...
Terminator: Salvation (2/5 stars)
"Well, it's no TERMINATOR 3."
Angels & Demons (3/5 stars)
"For centuries, those incessant babymakers have had the coolest costumes and props. Now they have an exciting story, too."
Drag Me To Hell (4/5 stars)
"Much fun. The ending's pretty obvious, though."
Up (1/5 stars)
"I prefer Russ Meyer's original."
FROM THE VAULTS...
I dug this up in an old gmail account. Some rantings from back when I had a soul and my life had meaning. Ah, those were the days. Now, I'm reduced to reruns. Anyway, enjoy...
I just got back from the first science fiction convention I've been near
in 15 years. It was everything you would imagine it would be.
In the dealer's room, many people were selling t-shirts emblazoned with
"funny" sayings, or endless quotes from MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL.
One of the shirts said, "WARNING: I have a vocabulary of over 75,000
words, and I'm not afraid to use it."
I thought this was pretty obnoxious. So I came up with my own t-shirt
slogans to sell to the fans. Part of me actually wants to get these
printed up and take them to a con, to see how fans would react. For your
enjoyment....
I'm insecure because I'm physically unattractive and/or socially awkward.
The main way I make myself feel good is by using my intelligence to try to
make others feel bad.
The majority of Mundanes are actually happier than I am.
I honestly think these outfits and costumes make me look my absolute best.
I laugh obnoxiously loudly so that others will know what a great sense of
humor I have.
Why bathe when you're as smart as I am?
No matter how many hit points my D&D character has, that bully from middle
school could still kick my ass.
If they say it with a British accent, I will laugh, no matter how unfunny
it is.
The secret of comedy is allusions to other films or books. No real wit or
irony is required. Simply the allusion.
Overweight people can look very attractive, but not wearing that.
Deep Space Nine ran two more years than Babylon 5, and was never in
serious danger of cancellation. But we're gonna deny that.
My greatest fear is that CADDYSHACK may actually be funnier than HOLY
GRAIL. Shhhhhh. Don't tell anyone.
Comics aren't worth my time. Unless they're written by Joe Straczynski.
Somehow, those are magically good.
This beard is my way of compensating.
Would a vampire really dress that way? I think we both know the answer.
Horror fans are cooler than s/f fans. But you didn't hear it from me.
I can recite entire scenes from HOLY GRAIL and HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE. Guess
that makes me the funniest thing in the whole, wide world.
Desperately waiting for the next Weird Al CD so I can finally "rock out"
again.
BUFFY -- Tune in for the masturbation fodder, stay for the story.
I put on fuzzy slippers shaped like rabbits with sharp fangs, and think,
"Man, I look *good.*"
I (heart) The Sound of My Own Voice
I secretly know that three of the five STAR WARS movies are, honestly,
pretty wretched.
Endlessly repeating "I've got a bad feeling about this," is not a running
gag. A running gag also has to be funny.
Labels: just... stuff
Saturday, May 09, 2009
STAR TREK (3/4 stars)
This is to the Original Series what QUANTUM OF SOLACE was to GOLDFINGER. And I liked QUANTUM OF SOLACE. But I'm not sure we've evolved as a culture when QUANTUM OF SOLACE is what we get after standing on GOLDFINGER's shoulders for 40 years. Our culture's clearly gotten more bloodthirsty, but I'm not sure we've gotten classier. I often feel as if we've culturally exchanged Grand Marnier for a cocktail of PGA and Tang. The latter will get you drunk faster, but maybe drunk isn't the whole point.
But, overall, I pretty much liked it.
I miss this stuff...
In other news, I'm vaguely on the run. Amazing wackiness has happened (write to me for details if you're actually curious) that's slowed down my filmgoing. No legal trouble or health trouble (for me) or job trouble. But for many reasons, the Circus of Doctor Lao is putting its tent pegs back down at Toner Low for a while.
This is to the Original Series what QUANTUM OF SOLACE was to GOLDFINGER. And I liked QUANTUM OF SOLACE. But I'm not sure we've evolved as a culture when QUANTUM OF SOLACE is what we get after standing on GOLDFINGER's shoulders for 40 years. Our culture's clearly gotten more bloodthirsty, but I'm not sure we've gotten classier. I often feel as if we've culturally exchanged Grand Marnier for a cocktail of PGA and Tang. The latter will get you drunk faster, but maybe drunk isn't the whole point.
But, overall, I pretty much liked it.
I miss this stuff...
In other news, I'm vaguely on the run. Amazing wackiness has happened (write to me for details if you're actually curious) that's slowed down my filmgoing. No legal trouble or health trouble (for me) or job trouble. But for many reasons, the Circus of Doctor Lao is putting its tent pegs back down at Toner Low for a while.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
THE PENN STATION BOOK CLUB
So I missed my train getting back to Penn Station after tonight's book club meeting. A mixed blessing; I got to wander around, amongst the Rangers fans, looking for the books we had just decided to read, and discovering some others as well. I bought Travels with Herodotus by Kapuscinski, which we hadn't selected to read but should have if only I had thought to nominate it, and, heading upstairs to Book Corner, I bought Bonk. Because the books we voted on were (not necessarily in this order):
--Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex by Mary Roach
--The Brief and Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz
--Devil in the White City by Eric Larson
--A House for Mr. Biswas by V. S. Naipaul
--Run by Ann Patchett
--Pride and Prejudice and Zombies by Jane Austen and Seth Grahame-Smith
Other books nominated but not selected were:
Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell
A Mote in God's Eye by Niven and Pournelle
Labyrinths with Path of Thunder by Christopher Okigbo
This is Your Brain on Music by Dan Levin
Hubert's Freaks by Gregory Gibson
Time's Arrow by Martin Amis
The Black Swan by Nassim Niholas Taleb
Maimonides (Jewish Encounters series) by Sherwin Nuland
St. Lucy's Home for Gifted Girls Raised by Wolves by Karen Russell
The Ornament of the World by Maria Rosa Menocal
House of Leaves by Mark Z. Danielewski
Netherland by Joseph O'Neill
So I missed my train getting back to Penn Station after tonight's book club meeting. A mixed blessing; I got to wander around, amongst the Rangers fans, looking for the books we had just decided to read, and discovering some others as well. I bought Travels with Herodotus by Kapuscinski, which we hadn't selected to read but should have if only I had thought to nominate it, and, heading upstairs to Book Corner, I bought Bonk. Because the books we voted on were (not necessarily in this order):
--Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex by Mary Roach
--The Brief and Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz
--Devil in the White City by Eric Larson
--A House for Mr. Biswas by V. S. Naipaul
--Run by Ann Patchett
--Pride and Prejudice and Zombies by Jane Austen and Seth Grahame-Smith
Other books nominated but not selected were:
Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell
A Mote in God's Eye by Niven and Pournelle
Labyrinths with Path of Thunder by Christopher Okigbo
This is Your Brain on Music by Dan Levin
Hubert's Freaks by Gregory Gibson
Time's Arrow by Martin Amis
The Black Swan by Nassim Niholas Taleb
Maimonides (Jewish Encounters series) by Sherwin Nuland
St. Lucy's Home for Gifted Girls Raised by Wolves by Karen Russell
The Ornament of the World by Maria Rosa Menocal
House of Leaves by Mark Z. Danielewski
Netherland by Joseph O'Neill
