Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Top Ten Reasons Night at the Museum ($30.8 million) beat new movies Rocky Balboa ($12.6 million), The Good Shepherd ($10 million) and We Are Marshall ($6.6 million) at the box office this weekend.

-Ben Stiller’s whine is much more crowd-pleasing than Sylvester Stallone’s, Matt Damon’s, or Matthew McConaughey’s.

-Thanks to the defeat suffered by the neoconservatives in the recent election, knowledge is back in vogue! Museums rule!

-Too many moviegoers thought WAM was a sci-fi film about several people placed or trapped in the body of “Hollywood Squares” game show host Peter Marshall, much like Being John Malkovich.

-R&B singer James Brown saw all four films shortly before his death. He remained silent about RB, TGS, and WAM, but when asked his thoughts about NATM, he said, “So good, So good.”

-It is completely unbelievable for Matt Damon to be more committed to his job in the C.I.A. than to romancing Angelina Jolie every night and thanking some Supreme Being every morning.

-Owen Wilson sang the David Soul song “Don’t Give Up On Us” on camera in the film, Starsky & Hutch (coincidentally co-starring Ben Stiller). Owen Wilson sings another David Soul song on camera in NATM, the ironic “Let’s Have A Quiet Night In”.

-The CGI special effect of 60-year-old Sylvester Stallone back in the boxing ring just wasn’t quite as special (or believable) as a dinosaur skeleton walking around a museum.

-The talking Easter Island head in NATM was voted People magazine’s “Sexiest Statue Alive,” beating out Matt Damon’s performance in TGS.

-TGS and WAM are plagued with the confusing conundrum of too many Matthews: McConaughey, Damon, and Fox. Moviegoers felt “lost”.

- Ricky (BBC’s “The Office”) Gervais’s comedic turn as the museum director in NATM was viewed much more favorably than his dramatic turn as a CIA assassin in TGS or as the heavyweight contender up against Sylvester Stallone in RB or as a West Virginia college-aged quarterback in WAM.

Friday, December 22, 2006


Over at, the Web site that I want all to myself for Christmas, a ferocious wit left the following zinger on a blog concerning China's issuing of new restrictions on the international adoption of Chinese babies:

"The problem with Chinese babies is that if you adopt one, you'll only want to adopt another one in a half an hour."


It's that wonderful time of year once again, that magical season when we celebrate the birth of our lord and saviour... MITHRAS! May your harvests be prosperous, my countrymen, may the conquest of Parthia be a successful one, and may those filthy Germanic tribes ever feel the sandals of Rome pressing upon their unshaven throats.

Monday, December 11, 2006


In the interests of putting this blog to a useful purpose, I'm posting the reading list for my book club here. For all of you millions of people reading this who applied to the group but failed to meet our high standards, now's your chance to prove that you've got what it takes to sling the book banter like Dutchboy, Ayn Randalike, and the rest. Read these books, and post your comments here. Let the world know that you're a hardcore book clubber, and not a Sunday reader.

We shall read, in this order:
1. Forever by Pete Hammill--discussion scheduled for January 12th.
2. The Other Side of War by Zainab Salbi
3. The Wind-up Bird Chronicle by Haruki (not Ryu) Murakami
4. The Best American Comics, edited by Harvey Pekar
5. The Book of Lost Books by S. Kelly
6. Selected Stories of Philip K. Dick, edited by J. Lethem

Other books that were nominated but which failed to make the cut:
> The Immortal Game by D. Shenk
> Freddy and Frederika by M. Helprin
> A graphic novel by a New Yorker cartoonist (Saul Steinberg?)
> Consider the Lobster by D. F. Wallace
> The Third Policeman by F. O'Brien
> The Gospel According to Biff
> The End of Faith by S. Harris
> The Assassin's Gate by G. Packer
> Water for Elephants by S. Gruen
> Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close by J. S. Foer

Now get out there and read your heart out--

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