Saturday, May 30, 2009


Recent movies...

Terminator: Salvation (2/5 stars)
"Well, it's no TERMINATOR 3."

Angels & Demons (3/5 stars)
"For centuries, those incessant babymakers have had the coolest costumes and props. Now they have an exciting story, too."

Drag Me To Hell (4/5 stars)
"Much fun. The ending's pretty obvious, though."

Up (1/5 stars)
"I prefer Russ Meyer's original."


I dug this up in an old gmail account. Some rantings from back when I had a soul and my life had meaning. Ah, those were the days. Now, I'm reduced to reruns. Anyway, enjoy...

I just got back from the first science fiction convention I've been near
in 15 years. It was everything you would imagine it would be.

In the dealer's room, many people were selling t-shirts emblazoned with
"funny" sayings, or endless quotes from MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL.
One of the shirts said, "WARNING: I have a vocabulary of over 75,000
words, and I'm not afraid to use it."

I thought this was pretty obnoxious. So I came up with my own t-shirt
slogans to sell to the fans. Part of me actually wants to get these
printed up and take them to a con, to see how fans would react. For your

I'm insecure because I'm physically unattractive and/or socially awkward.
The main way I make myself feel good is by using my intelligence to try to
make others feel bad.

The majority of Mundanes are actually happier than I am.

I honestly think these outfits and costumes make me look my absolute best.

I laugh obnoxiously loudly so that others will know what a great sense of
humor I have.

Why bathe when you're as smart as I am?

No matter how many hit points my D&D character has, that bully from middle
school could still kick my ass.

If they say it with a British accent, I will laugh, no matter how unfunny
it is.

The secret of comedy is allusions to other films or books. No real wit or
irony is required. Simply the allusion.

Overweight people can look very attractive, but not wearing that.

Deep Space Nine ran two more years than Babylon 5, and was never in
serious danger of cancellation. But we're gonna deny that.

My greatest fear is that CADDYSHACK may actually be funnier than HOLY
GRAIL. Shhhhhh. Don't tell anyone.

Comics aren't worth my time. Unless they're written by Joe Straczynski.
Somehow, those are magically good.

This beard is my way of compensating.

Would a vampire really dress that way? I think we both know the answer.

Horror fans are cooler than s/f fans. But you didn't hear it from me.

I can recite entire scenes from HOLY GRAIL and HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE. Guess
that makes me the funniest thing in the whole, wide world.

Desperately waiting for the next Weird Al CD so I can finally "rock out"

BUFFY -- Tune in for the masturbation fodder, stay for the story.

I put on fuzzy slippers shaped like rabbits with sharp fangs, and think,
"Man, I look *good.*"

I (heart) The Sound of My Own Voice

I secretly know that three of the five STAR WARS movies are, honestly,
pretty wretched.

Endlessly repeating "I've got a bad feeling about this," is not a running
gag. A running gag also has to be funny.


Saturday, May 09, 2009

STAR TREK (3/4 stars)

This is to the Original Series what QUANTUM OF SOLACE was to GOLDFINGER. And I liked QUANTUM OF SOLACE. But I'm not sure we've evolved as a culture when QUANTUM OF SOLACE is what we get after standing on GOLDFINGER's shoulders for 40 years. Our culture's clearly gotten more bloodthirsty, but I'm not sure we've gotten classier. I often feel as if we've culturally exchanged Grand Marnier for a cocktail of PGA and Tang. The latter will get you drunk faster, but maybe drunk isn't the whole point.

But, overall, I pretty much liked it.

I miss this stuff...

In other news, I'm vaguely on the run. Amazing wackiness has happened (write to me for details if you're actually curious) that's slowed down my filmgoing. No legal trouble or health trouble (for me) or job trouble. But for many reasons, the Circus of Doctor Lao is putting its tent pegs back down at Toner Low for a while.

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