Wednesday, April 23, 2008

According to the link above, a Columbia, Tennessee woman allegedly killed her husband by
stuffing a ball gag in his mouth, placing masking
tape over his mouth and eyes, wrapping his
head in an large bandage,
tying his hands and legs behind his back so that he was immobilized,
then leaving him alone for nearly 20 hours. When she came home, she found he had died.


-The Learning Channel has canceled an upcoming airing of the new documentary, "Ball Gags:
Made with Pride in the U.S.A."

-Antonio Sabato Jr. paid $1 million to buy out his contract so that he
no longer has to appear
in any ball gag ads for Youngston Ball Gags.

-Barack Obama stated that he has never worn a ball gag. Hilary Clinton
countered that if a
photo of her opponent wearing a ball gag surfaces,
it should cost him the nomination.

-Charles Gibson canceled his upcoming report on ABC news: "Ball Gags:
Could They Lead
America Out of a Recession?"

-With tears in her eyes, Heather Mills angrily denied rumors that she
bullied Sir Paul
McCartney to wear a ball gag during their brief

-Youngston Ball Gags has pulled the plug on an upcoming launch of its
line of ball gags for

-Former political adviser Dick Morris and former New York governor
Elliot Spitzer have been
approached about being the new spokesman for
ball gag safety.

-Congress is considering making it mandatory for ball gags to have
warning labels stating
that it is not safe for individuals to wear one
for longer than 15 hours.

-The ending of "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull" will
be reshot so that
instead of Marion (Karen Allen) putting a ball gag in
Indy's mouth after tying his hands behind
his back with his own whip,
she will instead put electrodes on "sensitive areas" and repeatedly
shock him. (It should be noted that the fictional character enjoys

-The National Ball Gag Association has issued a new slogan: "Ball gags
don't kill people; people
kill people."

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Top Ten Reasons Why "Prom Night" was #1 at the Box
This Weekend:

-Having no big-name stars meant that everyone was a possible victim. This kept movie-goers constantly
guessing as to who would be killed next, thus greatly increasing the box office gross.

-Having no plot meant that anything could happen, especially anything inexplicable and/or beyond
credible belief. Movie-goers who hate plot were able to buy a ticket without any fear of being confused
by a story, thus greatly increasing the box office gross.

-Having no budget meant that movie-goers weren't distracted by grand, impressive set-pieces or
eye-popping, award-winning visual effects, thus greatly increasing the box office gross.

-Having no blood meant that those who faint at the sight of blood would be able to buy a ticket without
any fear of passing out, thus greatly increasing the box office gross.

-Having no scary moments meant that everyone could enjoy the movie, especially very young children,
thus greatly increasing the box office gross.

-Having no talent on the screen meant that movie-goers weren't distracted by good or even adequate
performances, thus greatly increasing the box office gross.

-Having no product placement meant that movie-goers could focus on the lack of stars, plot, budget,
blood, scares, and talent, instead of pointing at the screen and yelling, "Look! The killer eats In-N-Out
Hamburgers! Look! The killer wears clothes from the Jaclyn Smith Collection at K-Mart! Look! The killer
found out where the prom was by using!"

-Having no access to a high school gymnasium or hotel ballroom meant that the film was shot in the
executive producer's mother's basement, thus keeping the budget at zero.

-Having no access to electrical lighting meant that the production had to rely entirely on daylight, thus
the title is actually incorrect (it should have been "Prom Day").

-Having no superheroes in the film meant that there was no one to save the victims at the last second
with heat rays, high-tech arrows, ice spikes, overextended limbs, shields thrown like frisbees, freezing
breath, teleportation, magic spells, or boomerangs shaped like animals.

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